Suicide is on the mind right now. Depression is taking over. Sadness fills with in me. I feel like crying. Tears well up in my eyes right now. Why? I can't take this anymore. My double life and being two people. One that's cheerful and then the one that's miserable and wants to die.
I need help. I know that this doesn't go away I might do something stupid. No amount of love and support will save me from myself. I am my own worse enemy. I have issues that I have to fix and solve. My life isn't the greatest and I really can't find a better reason to not cry about it. But tears roll down my cheeks and I just don't know what to do.
Music will save me. If someone doesn't save me then I hope the right song will reach out to me and save me. I know Jewel has the song "Who Will Save Your Soul". This one line says it all "Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?"
I need to move away. To get out of this country, but I can't find a place where I'm not miserable. I must travel once I get fired or change jobs. I have to see the world. I have to find me. I've been saying this for years, but this time I mean it. Go off to a country and find its treasures and wonders that will amaze me. I want to find the reason to live. I want to find the reason to go on. I want to find out why we are the way we are. I've been through this when I was "living in hell" as I refer to it now.
Just have to find the reason to go on every single day. If I left today or tomorrow will someone care? Will someone miss me? Could I be one of those faces forgotten at the Twin Towers? Or one from the Oklahoma bombing or even one that was wiped away during the tsunami in Asia.
Some lyrics to think about:
"I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me " - Matchbox Twenty
Sorry this post was such a downer, but just telling it like it is inside of me.
Horoscope: A loved one may find your habits grating. Try to accommodate their concerns.
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Listening to: Unwell
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